A knock in confidence

I was injured in my last post, and I am still injured, maybe even more so now! What I thought was a normal sprain turned out to be a 3rd degree sprain (torn ligament) so returning to running after just over 2 weeks rest was insufficient and I may have done more damage than originally. Not only that, I thought my ankle was fine as I had no pain running or walking so I kept running.

In 1 week I had taken two falls, one at orienteering where I got the sprain and then a week later stupidly hiking the first section of the Ring of Steall skyrace where I took a tumble on the Devil’s ridge infront of everyone, hurting my pride more than my skinned knees and bruised tummy. I never fall running. I have always prided myself on never having had an injury, yes I get niggles, but I normally rest a couple weeks or see Liz for her advice and healing hands and am fine. I had 2 falls, my first real DNF and experienced the ‘sad bus’ and am now staring a DNS (or another DNF) in the face as the Goat Race (55miles) is in 4 weeks.

Today my planned easy hike with poles in off as this morning I was limping again, so emailed the Goat to ask if they have a deferral policy. I am afraid I will be withdrawing my name from the WHWrace hat too at this rate as I know with a race on the horizon I am more likely to rush back to training too soon again. I just want to be out enjoying this beautiful winter, instead I am sat at home feeling sad and trying to summon the will to get on the turbo (the bike shop is shut so could not rent a MTB!).

Not only did my body fall on that ridgeline, but my confidence too and that has yet to get back on its feet. I have found myself struggling to know what to do, to know if I am being lazy or sensible and found my confidence in other areas of my life has plummeted too. I am struggling with running WayOutside alongside my day job and find that I do not have the energy to organise the training camps for next year and feel like giving up. As a result I am making bad choices driven by fear desperate to climb way way back up to where I was.

I know it is just an ankle. Compared to where we were just one year ago, this is a drop in the sea and plus, I know it will heal. I think I am so sad as I just wanted to get faster so I could keep up with Max! As a slower runner in groups I am often on my own and want to be able to keep up with the others, it can get lonely on your own for hours! I had decided to get a coach to see if I can be faster, if I could keep up as I have started to realise I hide behind my own label ‘slow runner’ as an excuse sometimes. I still have not given up on that, maybe will start agin after xmas.

The Devil o’ the Highlands

I about to DNS at the Ring of Steall Skyline. This will be my second year in a row not starting a race in this series. The weather looks perfect too. Last year I didn’t start the Ben Nevis ultra after not recovering from the WHWrace in time to prepare. This year I will resign myself to turning up to simply get my race number just so I can attend the ceilidh.

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Race Director, The Tyndrum 24

I do not enter that many races, partly because I have moved around lot the past 2 years so I rarely planned far ahead. Also because I tend not to enter races to be competitive, and for a lot of races, well that is the point. I find races are, however, a good way to take on a challenge I did not know how to do alone. For example, the Ring of Steall. I did not know how to get into the mountains or have the confidence to tackle routes off the beaten track. Here was a mountain race with ridge lines (something very new and an exciting prospect for me) that would have the route way marked and with other people around to follow. A great introduction! Needless to say I obviously did train to be able to complete the race safely, but before I ran that route in the race, I would not have done it alone. Another reason I do not race often is cost, and also cut-offs.

Anyway, so it is weird in a way or maybe natural to find myself as race director for a new race, and at a time when I am struggling to want to race myself. So why the Tyndrum 24?

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Review: UNDERDOG

The WHWrace still haunts me and nearly a year on and I still have not found my footing again. While volunteering at the Spine Race I met Matt and Ellie Green, the husband and wife Summit Fever Team that most of you will know as the daily Spine Race movie makers! I feel really proud to have some of my footage in their ENDURANCE movie – do watch it, that race was history making stuff! With the Devil o’ the Highlands only 2months away, 42miles of the West Highland Way and the entire section that mentally broke me, I jumped at the opportunity to review UNDERDOG for Summit, maybe it could inspire me back to the trail??

WATCH UNDERDOG TRAILER HERE

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RedBull Neptune Steps

I am swimming in the sea with curious grey seals watching me from a distance. I float above white sands and starfish, seabirds fly overhead to a backdrop of grey moody skies and snow-capped mountains. The salt water carries my tingling body and my heart and face sing with the exhilaration and freedom the cold water brings! My mind still and body totally at ease…

Fast forward to Saturday 23rd March and I am racing 420 metres in the murky waters of the Maryhill canal, climbing 18 metres over eight canal lock gates with cold water crashing down on me to 3000 raucous spectators in central Glasgow.

This is not my normal wild swimming experience.

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Giving Back: The Spine Race

After struggling with postvrace blues from the WHWrace I have no big race goals for 2019, instead I am volunteering at several events throughout the year and setting up some community events. I started 2019 off by volunteering for a week on the Spine Race Media Team.

The Montane Spine Race is a non-stop race with a 7-day time limit covering the entire length of the 268mile long Pennine, in January. Via Twitter and live tracking ‘dot watchers’ are kept up-to-date with the 100 or so athletes as they journey on foot from Edale to Kirk Yetholm. The darkness, extreme winter weather and sheer distance makes this race unique in the UK and it is billed ‘Britain’s Most Brutal.’

This race was in the mainstream media this year because it was won by a woman (Jasmin Paris incase you missed it), who was also a relatively new mother.

So, before I begin a run down of my time volunteering I want to try explain what it meant to follow Jasmin and then see her win. It is more than just about a race win and it was not about a woman beating a man. Women and girls are both openly and subtly told that they are less and that we should not try. We are taught to curb and limit ourselves, and that our place is not to take an opportunity from a man. You can argue this is not true, but it is ingrained, even in the tiniest detail. I pointed out to Scott on the finish that he had a woman winning overall, but no finisher T-shirts in women’s sizes. Same for the female volunteers, there were no tops in our size. Our bodies are an afterthought. I do not believe this was an intentional oversight, just that it had never occurred to the RDs as a problem.

Then you see what Jasmin is doing. You can argue the weather was good, but the previous course record holder came in 2ndand he did not come in faster than his record. The runner she raced the entire course with, retired 6km from the finish. They both pushed each other to the utter limit. You cannot say she is selfish and put her career first, because she is a mother and an amateur runner, not a professional. She has a profession as a vet and is reading her PhD. Jasmin has gone and done the opposite, and she has done it with such style and with such respect. She was always friendly, polite, running on her terms and with no trace of ego. So many people were wanting her to win. Women have been winning extreme races outright for a while so this is not new, but this was timely and the fact that she was expressing milk only raised awareness of what many mothers go through – maybe not running an ultrarace, but in the workplace and in their daily lives. There should be space for women’s bodies as well as men’s without it feeling like we are an inconvenience or an afterthought. We should be able, without guilt, to be ourselves fully and not to dumb or slow ourselves down, or let notions of what motherhood or womanhood should look like stop us from achieving our goals.

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Van living Q&A

Every van dweller is different, we converted our van on a budget so skimped on certain things (no toilet, shower, fridge or built in heater) and we also work full time in London. We get asked the same questions about the practicalities of living in a van. I can tell you the answers are the obvious ones! But just incase you are still wondering here are some frequent questions we get asked and our answers!

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Post race blues

I came back to running about two weeks after the West Highland Way Race, racing for a sub 24min at the Cambridge parkrun and then the next day took part in a 2.5km river swim. Looking back on Strava, I came back to training far too quickly, despite 2 weeks off running I had been road cycling over 100km just 1 week post race. Open water swimming 2 weeks out from such a large ultramarthon was a huge mistake. My immune system would have taken an absolute beating from the race. Both Max and I caught a bug from the river and were subsequently ill for 2 weeks, all training stopped and I was wiped out.

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