A knock in confidence

I was injured in my last post, and I am still injured, maybe even more so now! What I thought was a normal sprain turned out to be a 3rd degree sprain (torn ligament) so returning to running after just over 2 weeks rest was insufficient and I may have done more damage than originally. Not only that, I thought my ankle was fine as I had no pain running or walking so I kept running.

In 1 week I had taken two falls, one at orienteering where I got the sprain and then a week later stupidly hiking the first section of the Ring of Steall skyrace where I took a tumble on the Devil’s ridge infront of everyone, hurting my pride more than my skinned knees and bruised tummy. I never fall running. I have always prided myself on never having had an injury, yes I get niggles, but I normally rest a couple weeks or see Liz for her advice and healing hands and am fine. I had 2 falls, my first real DNF and experienced the ‘sad bus’ and am now staring a DNS (or another DNF) in the face as the Goat Race (55miles) is in 4 weeks.

Today my planned easy hike with poles in off as this morning I was limping again, so emailed the Goat to ask if they have a deferral policy. I am afraid I will be withdrawing my name from the WHWrace hat too at this rate as I know with a race on the horizon I am more likely to rush back to training too soon again. I just want to be out enjoying this beautiful winter, instead I am sat at home feeling sad and trying to summon the will to get on the turbo (the bike shop is shut so could not rent a MTB!).

Not only did my body fall on that ridgeline, but my confidence too and that has yet to get back on its feet. I have found myself struggling to know what to do, to know if I am being lazy or sensible and found my confidence in other areas of my life has plummeted too. I am struggling with running WayOutside alongside my day job and find that I do not have the energy to organise the training camps for next year and feel like giving up. As a result I am making bad choices driven by fear desperate to climb way way back up to where I was.

I know it is just an ankle. Compared to where we were just one year ago, this is a drop in the sea and plus, I know it will heal. I think I am so sad as I just wanted to get faster so I could keep up with Max! As a slower runner in groups I am often on my own and want to be able to keep up with the others, it can get lonely on your own for hours! I had decided to get a coach to see if I can be faster, if I could keep up as I have started to realise I hide behind my own label ‘slow runner’ as an excuse sometimes. I still have not given up on that, maybe will start agin after xmas.

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